Me (akrose) wrote in breastcancer,

Justing rambling, wishing I had someone to talk to...

I didn't know where else to talk about this, none of my friends seem to be going through anything similar.

I am getting my BRAC testing done, I don't know how to go about it, but I am going to make it happen somehow. My mother had breast cancer twice, the first time before she was 30 yrs old, and the second time before she was 50.  Both my grandmothers had it, 3 out of 6 of my aunts (outta both sides) have had it, and the only reason one didn't is she died quite young. The other one has had ovarian cancer. The third doesn't have the gene. Hell, even my step-mother had breast cancer, and her mother before her! I have always assumed I would get breast cancer. I am still fairly sure of it, but I really want the test, just to give me a sense of peace, but I'm not sure it will. What is it comes back positive? The worst of it is, I am soon going to lose my health insurance. If it comes back positive, what am I to do? Without insurance I'll have no options. Also, I really want to breast feed my future children. I've googled whether or not you can breast feed without mammary tissue, but have never gotten a real response. Does anyone know? I keep thinking if I am diagnosed with BRAC I do want to get my boobies removed & reconstructed, but it scares the hell outta me too. When my mother got her second breast removed and reconstructed she went through years of pain, as she didn't heal well. That was an awful time for her, and me. Here she is, just having lost her last breast to cancer again (and she had beautiful, full breasts, it was always the one thing that made her feel like a woman, see, my mother has been 6'2 since middle school, with no hips, which wasn't considered very feminine in the 50's and 60's), it was supposed to get easier after that, but it was a painful painful experience. I am just rambling, but I guess I wanted to hear from other gals that were possibly in the same position as me. I check a lot of the websites, Bright Pink, FORCE, etc, but you can't really communicate with the other women. And my mother just tells me not to be so negative, and otherwise refuses to talk about breast cancer, so won't even buy anything with the pink ribbon on it. So here I am, rambling to strangers, hoping to not feel so alone in my fears. Thanks for listening ya'll.
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